Old gay men
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“No one over 40.” “Not into older.” It’s like aging is contagious.
Older Gays Matter
A blog for writers, readers, and anyone who forgot there was a world before TikTok—and stories before swipe-ups.
By Gunther Allen
🌀 “You’ll Be One Someday”
Let’s start here—because it’s true—Older Gays Matter.
But that discomfort is the compost where growth happens.
If you’re writing, lean into it. Write characters who mistrust each other, then connect. Ask them.
📚 “Before Grindr: Meet the Men Who Paved the Way”
There was a time when cruising involved bookstores, not swipe rights. And when writing openly queer stories could cost you everything.
Older gay men remember those days.
Let’s live by them, too.
If You’re Lucky, You’ll Become One of Them
One day, if you’re very lucky, you’ll be the one with the cane and the wisdom and the leftover glitter in your carpet. Borrow the rhythm of someone else’s lived-in joy and pain. Yet in queer spaces, ageism still rears its Botox-smooth head.
And maybe call your favorite silver fox for coffee.
Writing About Generational Gaps Starts With Bridging One
Want to write a story about an unlikely friendship? Let them surprise you. Too soft. Some older men carry biases, too. ”Every purchase helps preserve our stories and keeps our voices heard—no matter who tries to silence them.
“Given half a chance, the youth will take their steps and trust the river of life.
Allow them to start a new chapter—because they do, all the time.
In life? So will your life.
Not every older gay man wants to be a mentor or a muse—but many are just waiting for someone to care enough to ask.
Maybe, just maybe, the next chapter of your story starts with a freezer aisle, a room to rent, or a slice of Dutch apple pie gone wrong.
Because every now and then, the best stories don’t begin with “Once upon a time.” They begin with “Hey…you okay?
Even danced in gay bars under threat of raids.
And now they grow orchids, write memoirs, and wait patiently for someone to ask them about that night in ’74. Brutal. Interestingly, they’ve got stories.
Many survived a time when being out meant losing your job, your family, or worse.
The CIRCLE shows respect for both elders and olders.
Roshi Joan Halifax, noted elder, shaman and Buddhist teacher, reflected the GAY ELDER CIRCLE’s understanding when she stated:
“The wisdom that we need to solve our problems lies encoded in the depths of our unconscious minds—but it must be evoked by elders who reveal our potential.
They grew up when loving the wrong person could land you in jail—or worse, a hospital with no visitors allowed. Listen. Let two men in their sixties fall in love. It thrives in authenticity.
Some older gay men won’t be your campy fairy godfathers. They have it. We come from a wide range of backgrounds and are united in our primary purpose of being useful to younger gay men and of service to the gay and larger community.
A healthy and thriving community honors ancestors, needs elders, depends on adults and invites youth.